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Matrimonial and Family Law Blog

Friday, September 7, 2018

Seven Questions You Should Ask Before Getting Divorced

Couples ask each other many questions while they are dating. Talking and getting to know each other is one of the important factors in a strong, stable relationship. When couples get engaged, they continue to ask questions about their preferences and goals for the future. However, many couples do not invest the same amount of time or attention in asking questions before getting divorced. Our New York family law lawyers suggest asking yourself these seven questions before you decide that divorce is the best option for you.

1.  Do you and your spouse communicate effectively?

Have you taken the time to make your concerns and feelings clear to your spouse? Talking to each other is not sufficient. You must communicate your feelings and concerns clearly. For instance, have you and your spouse shared your expectations for the roles you assume in your relationship? In many cases, problems can be traced to a lack of communication regarding expectations.

2.  Can you save your marriage?

Do you still love your spouse? Even if you love each other, this may not be enough to save your marriage. However, both you and your spouse should consider what you could do to save your marriage. Instead of focusing on what your spouse should do, make a list of what “you” could do to save your marriage. If you and your spouse can focus on what you can change, you might find that your relationship improves and you want to fight to save your marriage.

3.  Do you believe you will be happier and more content with your life without your spouse?

Before you give up on your marriage, take the time to consider what your life will be like without your spouse. We all have qualities that others might change if they could. However, do the qualities you would change in your spouse completely overshadow the good qualities that initially drew you to your spouse. Can you live without this person?

4.  Are you ready to handle life’s day-to-day tasks without your spouse?

You might be surprised to discover how many things your spouse does for you and your family each day. Are you ready to assume the sole role of handling all responsibilities for your household? You should review the responsibilities and roles that your spouse shoulders so that you are prepared to handle these activities before you leave your spouse.

5.  How will you handle your finances?

A divorce can result in a significant shift in your financial well-being. Before you decide that divorce is inevitable, you may want to meet with a financial adviser to discuss ways you can handle the financial changes that will come with a divorce.

6.  How can you minimize the harm to your children?

Children are often the innocent victims of a divorce. Regardless of how you feel about your spouse or the relationship you have with your spouse, your children will benefit if you and your spouse can co-parent without allowing your personal feelings about each other to interfere with your role as a parent.

7.  Are you allowing the failure of your marriage to damage your self-image?

For some people, the failure of a marriage creates feelings of self-doubt and self-blame. It always takes two to enter a marriage, and it is rare that either spouse is completely innocent in the break-up of the marriage. If you are struggling with feeling like a failure, you may want to consider speaking with a professional to help you deal with your personal emotions related to the end of the marriage.

A Divorce Attorney is Still Necessary For Mediations

In some cases, a divorce is the best alternative, especially if you are in an abusive relationship. If you need information about separation and divorce laws in New York, contact our New York divorce attorneys today to discuss your situation in greater detail.


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